Category: Uncategorized

shut my eyes, tell me something different.

Sometimes I wonder, in the midst of chaos, how everyone around me seems to be going through life just fine. Smiling, laughing, filling up their gas tank, going out to eat. . . as though no one around them is suffering. Shouldn’t the world be stopping because ________?

I feel that way right now.

My heart swells for the people of Haiti. I don’t claim to be better because of this. Because, to tell you the truth, although I watched footage on and off all day, spent a better part of it with my soul on its knees, and tried to find ways to get other friends connected, I came home tonight and watched American Idol. I laughed while making dinner. I forgot about Haiti.

I wonder how it is that we can turn our minds off to the things that devastate us. Or is it, rather, that we are no longer devastated because we really are wrapped up in ourselves?

I went to post something tonight on Facebook about an update from some of the people that are in Haiti from Chapel Rock, but instead of finding more ways to support, more people praying–I saw status updates about television shows that were on tonight, weekend plans, new purchases made. And although I judge no one for it (how hypocritical would that be), I am still startled by our ability to turn our eyes and listen to a different song. To hear different screams. I am overcome by our ability to forget that people are hurting. So tonight, I pray for broken hearts and hands that will move beyond our daily lives and into those that are damaged and hurting.

New, newer, and newest.

I am embarrassed to think about the grim and unfortunate truth that I have become quite the boring blogger. I start out every blog with hopes of being witty, clever, and even on a good day inspiring. And yet, every time I sit down to write something on here–no words seem to come to mind.

Perhaps that has everything to do with the fact that my life has been on high-speed lately and I am just now starting to settle in. In case you didn’t know, I got married a little over a month ago. New: wedding. Newer: new last name. Newest of all: husband. Moving swiftly along. . . I started my job. New: a real paycheck. Newer: living in one place at a time. Newest: getting to love and hang out with students for a living. :) Next transition–I finished school. New: not going to class. Newer: not writing any more papers. Newest: continuing to be a lifelong learner in much more conducive environments.

So, there you have it–three major life transitions summed up in a few short sentences. As I have referenced before, transition has always been somewhat of a struggle for me–but living in a perpetual state of transition has definitely softened the blow of making three major life transitions all in one month. It’s been splendid, in fact. When I have more time, I promise to write something worthwhile. Well, I take that back, I promise to write something. Until then, thanks for stopping by.

Wedding Day

Hello all. Yes, this is my wedding day. And yes, I am crazy enough to make time for a post the morning of one of the biggest days of my life.

I’ve always tried to contain memories, whether they be through pictures or journals. Either way, I want to describe a little bit of how I’m feeling this morning so that I know I will not be able to forget it.

Last night was a total and complete blurr to me. Thank goodness the bridesmaids and everyone else had their life together because the entire rehearsal I was in a daze. Is this seriously happening? Are we really going to be the center of attention all day? It’s exhausting to think about.

But here’s the exciting part…

From this day forward, I get to share my life with Kyle. We get to walk through life together–and that, I am more than ready for. So no matter what happens today… if Brynn, Noland, and Shelby don’t make it all the way down the aisle, if something happens to my dress, if the wrong song is played, etc. etc., at the end of it–Kyle and I will be married. That’s what matters. And that whole marriage thing… yeah, I’m not even a little nervous about that. :)

Hope you all enjoy your November 28th. I know I will.

She is thus, man’s glory…

As I’ve been studying and preparing for my NT Seminar presentation, I came across this statement by Gordon Fee in his commentary of 1 Corinthians. He’s actually discussing creation here, and the story of Adam and Eve, but I absolutely love the way he phrases this. I have no direct thoughts for now… but just wanted to share it with you all. :)

“Man by himself is not complete; he is alone, without a companion or helper suitable to him. The animals will not do; he needs one who is bone of his bone, one who is like him but different from whom, one who is uniquely his own “glory.” … She is thus man’s glory because she ‘came from man’ and was ‘created for him.’ She is not thereby subordinate to him, but necessary for him. She exists to honor as the one who having come from man is the one companion suitable for him, so that he might be complete and that together they might form humanity.” (Fee 517)

I love the idea that she is not subordinate to him, but necessary for him. Together… they might form a team. Neither is wholly benefitted without the other. This is so my heart… together they might form humanity.

Positive Patsy.

After living with Stephanie Norwood this summer, the most glass-half-full person I know, I have been transformed. So much so, in fact, that instead of being a Negative Nancy the past week, I have indeed been a Positive Patsy. . . and I owe it all to Steph!

I came down with some sort of virus this week, and although most have been bummed out by illness during this time of year, I embraced it. Illness, you could not have come at more perfect time. And no, I’m not being sarcastic. I’m 100% serious.
I have this problem. I guilt myself way too often over things that are not. my. fault. Someone looks at me weird after a conversation? Think about it for hours. Turn in a half-butt paper? Feel remorse every time I see my professor. Have free time? Wonder what I could be doing instead. You get the idea. . .
So with this illness thing, I realized that the best thing I could do for my body would be to chill the heck out, relax, lay on the couch, eat some pretzels, and be fine with that. And so, my friends, I have composed a list of all the positive things that come along with being sick:
1. I got to be a kid again and make Raspberry Jello Jigglers.
2. I caught up on TV shows that I never get to watch in “adult world,” like Ellen, the Today Show, and other daytime television shows that stunt my brain growth…
3. Now that Hulu has been invented, I also caught up on nighttime television programs, specifically The Office, Modern Family, and Community.
4. I emailed friends that I haven’t talked to in a while (would’ve called, but that whole “talking” thing wasn’t working out so well…)
5. I took naps and felt 0% guilt–it was a necessity.
6. I decided not to take a shower, and actually had a legitimate reason besides just being lazy.
7. During delusional sick dreams, I woke up thinking I was bald and then felt ecstatic to realize I had a full-head of hair. (How often do I get to be thankful for that?)
Can you think of some more reasons why being sick isn’t so bad? Add to the list…

more than circumstance.

I’ve been pondering this idea for a couple of months now, but have felt pretty inadequate in articulating it.

I still feel amateurish, and my thoughts are not anywhere near conclusive, but I’ll try to express my brain-waves through language anyhow. This is a blog, isn’t that what this is for? (Warning: this could very well turn into massive word-vomit.)
Ever since this whole engagement thing, people have swarmed me with wedding questions. I feel as though anytime I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while, instead of asking how I am doing, they ask how wedding planning is going. Don’t get me wrong, I know they care–I know they ask because they love me (If you’re reading this now and have asked me a wedding question, PLEASE do not suddenly feel guilty. I ask myself wedding questions, too). But after a while, I started thinking about how odd that all really is…
We’ve allowed ourselves to become defined by our current circumstance(s).
Seriously, there are a lot of circumstances surrounding my little life that all feed into the simple question, “What’re you up to lately?” Well, lately, I’ve been working towards graduating from college in two months (wait–less than two months–shooot…), planning a wedding, the whole MARRIAGE part that follows that day, moving to Indianapolis indefinitely after November 28th, and starting my first real job where I won’t be called “Intern.”
Even with that in mind, when I’m honest, my circumstances don’t even come anywhere close to sufficient.
Here’s a small glimpse inside my circumstantial thoughts in the past seven days: a week ago, I read through an article that changed the way I thought about the gender of God. Just this morning, I woke up to another day of doubt. During pre-marital counseling on Thursday, I processed through what it might look like if we cannot physically have children. So yeah, there are bigger things happening than a wedding… and that’s just my teeny tiny life. I’m one of six billion people.
So, I struggle. I’ll be authentic here in saying that–right now–I don’t believe our wedding to be the most important thing… and I wrestle with believing it should ever be the most important thing in anyone’s life.
Yeah, I said it. I know, some bride somewhere is going to think I am the spawn of Satan for saying so. I know weddings are a big stinkin’ deal. Hello! I’m planning one. I am thrilled beyond comprehension to walk down the aisle and become Kyle’s wife. I cannot wait to put on my dress, get dolled up with my best friends, and dance to the Cupid Shuffle at our reception (oh yeah, it’s happening). I long to serve and love him for the rest of my time on this earth. HOWEVER, I also realize that along with that comes a huge commitment, one that lasts longer than my ivory dress.
I just hope that as created beings, we can allow ourselves to look beyond our current circumstance(s), no matter how time-consuming, overwhelming, exhausting, or exciting they may be. Let’s see the bigger picture. And while we’re at it, can we be brave enough to ask each other the heart questions, instead of circumstantial ones?
Please add to the conversation–I know my thoughts are not complete.

Ode to Stephanie Norwood

Blogland, meet Stephanie Norwood. There is truly no one like her.

Stephanie and I go way back (as in 8th grade), back when I thought I was too cool for school and she didn’t even know what “status” meant. Stephanie is one of those rare gems in this life that truly sees people as they are, and my friends, if you know her, you will be better for it.
I want to give a few examples from the past few months about why I love this woman so much, and let her life speak for you:
1. At the beginning of the summer, we wanted to have a housewarming party for all the friends we knew living in Indy. As we were going through people to invite, we came up with quite a short list–partly because it had been a while since we lived there, but the other part being that Erin and I both struggle with hospitality. Not Stephanie. The next day, she came in and said, “Hey! I met a few people at Starbucks today, they’re coming over tonight!” My immediate thought (I’m ashamed to admit) was, “What? Random people we don’t know? In our house? That’s weird.” This did not weird Steph out for a minute. So the night came, as did Steph’s new friends, and it turned out to be such a blast! Steph (unintentionally) totally put my people-skills (or lack thereof) to shame that night.
2. Right around the time that I was leaving Indy to go back to school in Cincinnati… I invited Steph on some errands that I needed to run before my departure. For some reason that still remains a mystery, we both started craving Taco Bell. . . of all things. Unfortunately, Taco Bell happens to be not even a mile from our house, so we gave into the craving. You know how it goes at fast-food restaurants–you drive up, look at the menu, casually order what you want and try not to yell too loud, and then pull up to the window and hope they got it right. Welp, in this particular instance, Steph and I were a little slow in ordering, and as a result, got yelled at through the Taco Bell speaker. Instead of getting mad, angry, or irritated, we both laughed so hard at the entire situation that I was almost in tears on our way out of Taco Bell. I ordered a Volcano Taco for no other reason than being flustered; it was the first thing I saw. Steph ordered a #3, without a clue as to what that meant, and as we left that day we added it the many wonderful stories of life.
3. Over Labor Day weekend, some friends of mine from Chapel Rock planned a big camping trip with a bunch of people from church. Stephanie, not knowing anyone, decided to go a day earlier than me. When she first told me that, my immediate thought was, “You’re not going to know anyone you’re camping with–are you alright with that?” Then I realized, we’re talking about Steph. She makes friends with wooden chairs. So she went, made 10 new friends in 3 hours, and by the time I got there the next day she was already apart of the village–totally loving life with all her new friends.
4. Alright, this is the last and most recent. Last night, my friend Erin sent me a text (Erin and Stephanie are roommates) that said, “Steph is totally going to our neighbors’ house to ask if they want to play monopoly because I dared her to… I can’t stop laughing. I think we are about to be known as the creeper neighbors!” When I asked Steph how it went, she replied, “This is the second time they have not been weirded out by my forced friendships!” That girl truly knows no bounds and we would all be better at loving people if we lived like her.
I hope that someday I can learn that kind of love–the one that would rather reach out than shy away. To all of my reluctant friends out there: I pray that if you do not know Stephanie, you know someone like her that will push you beyond your own comfort.

probably inadequate thoughts on the 2-D life

So, I confess. I have a case of blogger anxiety.

Way back at the ripe age of 14, I was a moldable, naive, passionate, and highly emotional teenage girl. I realize that statement is redundant within itself–because, honestly–is there such thing as a lowly emotional teenage girl? I digress. Anyway, I had a “no-delete-policy” when it came to blogging–or, back then–live-journaling. If I wrote something too vulnerable, or just plain whack, it stayed. Plus–the internet was not nearly what it is now, so I had much less to worry about. Hardly anyone saw the need to read about my thoughts besides my other 14-year-old emotionally-charged friends.
However, seeing as how many of my Facebook friends are now in high school (due to the nature of my job), I have began to ponder this insane phenomenon of feeling the need to broadcast every-single-thought-that-goes-through-your-mind for the internet land to see. I’m by no means against technology; how ironic would that be. I update my Facebook every so often, I have a blog, and I even think my Myspace is still in tact. But sometimes, I can’t help but think to myself, “Does anyone really care?” or, “Am I using this as a way to avoid making face-to-face relationships?” All of these were legitimate questions I asked while in the process of so many geographical transitions. I will admit it, 2-dimensional friendships are easier. There is no risk involved. If I don’t like something, I can exit out of it and walk away.
In a face-to-face friendship, though, you can’t do that. Even if you say you can, you know better. No one’s heart just cuts and runs. And along with that, there is this large part of me that wonders what friendships will begin to look like as our technology land grows bigger.
Will we even know what it means to confront people? Will we know what it looks like to have conversation about things that matter? Will we be able to express clear, well-thought out conclusions about things happening in the world around us? Or, over time, will we continually become consumed by this obsessive need to let everyone know what we are doing at the precise moment we are doing it (even if that means we are eating a stinking sandwich)?
I know it sounds harsh–but seriously, I think I speak for the majority in saying: we don’t care about a sandwich. Well, maybe some of us do. Okay, sometimes I think it’s interesting… sometimes.
With all that said, this has spilled into the things I write on here. Almost 5 times out of 10, I begin to write something, then think, “Eh, no one will care, and no one will read this anyway,” and delete it. I know what you’re thinking: honestly, Anne, no one thinks about this that much. You’re giving yourself way too much credit. I know, alright? I’m a weirdo. I overanalyze life on a daily basis and it doesn’t look like it’s coming to a halt.
I am not in any way, shape, or form against technology. I just worry that we are getting so used to a computer screen that we will in turn forget how to have real relationships with people. We have grown so accustomed to typing our feelings for the world to see that we don’t know how to express them with our closest friends. And this… well, I can’t deny it, it worries me. What will our generation look like in years to come? Will we know how to verbally communicate with people, or will we remain awkward Twitter-updaters?
Just food for thought. Seriously, feel free to disagree.

ode to indy

Dear Indianapolis,

I have a love/hate relationship with you. I grew up knowing only you, was faithful to you, and committed myself to your sports teams, school systems, and extra-curricular events. I’ll give it to you–I moved to Ohio for college, which is hardly treason. Yeah, I know, they’re weirdos, but it’s only one state away. Living in Ohio brought all sorts of confusion in my life; in Indy, the “Eastside” and “Westside” are merely geographical terms. In Cincinnati, they are grounds for battle. This made me appreciate you so much more. So much, in fact, that I moved back to you two summers in a row.
Alright, alright, I moved to North Carolina for a year. But please know–my love for you never left. In fact, my roots as a Hoosier grew deeper the further I moved away. During this time, my love for the your beloved football team, the Indianapolis Colts, grew even bigger. I watched every game that I could, not just ones that were an excuse to be social. No one cared about the Colts besides a fellow Indianapolisan, so by nature, we stuck together.
After a year down south, I moved back to the Promise Land (i.e., you). I experienced a new side of town, new traffic routes, and even gained a new love for El Rodeo. I got to enjoy my parents’ company, something suddenly foreign, on a weekly basis. I met people that have the same love for Jesus + you and welp, grew close with them, too.
In all honesty, Indy, as much as I hate to admit it, you have my heart. No matter where I live, or how far away I am, I am proud to be from Indianapolis. No sweet tea, sticks of butter, or East/West battle could ever change that. So here’s to you, hometown, you’ve done your part.
Love,
Anne

In a short little list, I will try to encapsulate the truths I have been learning in the past few weeks:

1) We barely scratch the surface of God’s love.
2) Learning to truly receive is one of the hardest lessons I have ever learned.
3) Shutting up is highly underrated.
4) Never let anyone, or anything, steal your joy.
5) Be thankful for the ones who care; extend grace to the ones who don’t.