loss and joy

About a year ago, our friend Rob was diagnosed with brain cancer. He lost his battle early Saturday morning. Rob had been a youth leader at Chapel Rock longer than I’ve been alive. There is so much to say about his beautiful life, but today words aren’t really coming to me. I’m a mixed bag emotions–relief for him, that he is now whole and complete in Christ, while also feeling sad in the loss of our friend. So since no words will do, I have two favorite pictures:

This photo is from the Senior Trip in 2010. Things to notice: warning sign against bears, and Rob’s unafraid face. There was steadiness to Rob in his ability to not be dominated by outside circumstances, which rang true in so many areas of his life. Including walking straight down a path with potential bears.

This photo was taken in our backyard the night we moved into our house. Rob, along with many other youth leaders, moved in all of our stuff within an hour. Afterwards we spent some time on our patio and Rob played with Nick & Niccole’s daughters, Nora and Macy. His gentle and quiet spirit resulted in him being a total kid-magnet.

Goodbye for now, Rob. We will miss you.

Hey! You!

Remember a few weeks ago when I posted some little something about boundaries? How Kyle and I are fragile people, and boundaries protect us? It’s being published tomorrow over at The Good Women Project! The reason I’m telling you is because chances are, you have something to say, and they want contributors! So head on over there, check out their upcoming topics, and contribute your voice. Good women exist!

no crying over spilled coke

A few days ago, I ventured over to my friend Kelli‘s house on my day off for a little Chipotle and conversation. Kelli gets to stay at home with her 2-year-old, Ramona, so we enjoyed lunch while being simultaneously entertained by her charming toddler. At one point, Ramona bumped into my leg and I clumsily spilled my diet coke down the side of her couch. Panicked and frustrated with myself (I don’t need help in the clumsy department!), I leaped up to grab a wash cloth when I heard Kelli say, “Oh, trust me, don’t worry about it.” She then wiped the diet coke into the side of the couch. Yes, you read that right. Wiped it straight into the cushion. To make me feel better, she flipped over the cushion to show me how dirty the other side was, and there was clearly no reason to bother with a coke spill.

It was truly a beautiful moment.

Kelli is a writer, mom, wife, editor, volunteer, chef, housemaid, and I’m sure the list goes on. There’s no use in crying over spilled coke. My over-analytical soul leaped miles of joy and inspiration in this small little moment. Thanks, Kelli, for teaching my strung-out soul to slow down and stop panicking over all things resembling spilled coke.

Show Us Your Life: I’m a youth pastor, wife, friend, sister, daughter, dreamer, idealist…

I follow a blog called Kelly’s Korner where she features a post on Fridays called “Show Us Your Life.” This Friday, she featured Ministry Wives/Women in Ministry. Here’s a brief picture of our lives:

I’m married to my best friend, Kyle. He is the most funny, wise, and honest man I know. We met at Cincinnati Christian University and were friends for a while before we started dating (which is another story itself). This is a picture from the beginnings of our relationship, 3 years before the “I really love you” and “Will you marry me?” We were clueless, crushing, and feeling all the awkward, beautiful tension a brand new relationship brings. Can’t you see it in our body language?

I’ve learned to style my hair since then…

Fast forward a 5(ish) years. Married, living in Indianapolis (my hometown), and truly grateful for the life we’ve been given. Kyle is a Social Studies teacher, and I’m a youth pastor. We serve at a church on the westside of Indy, and this June I’ll have been there 3 years. It’s a little surreal. Going on my 4th year in ministry, I think I can say with integrity that ministry is hard. But guess what? So are people. And so am I, for that matter.

We live pretty crazy lives, but love it. Sometimes our schedules bring us together, sometimes we wave to each other going in and out of our driveway. But we both get to serve/work in areas we are gifted, and really, how many 20somethings can say that?

So, there it is… in a brief, packaged, 3-paragraph post. Here’s our life!

“Anne, what am I doing?”

One of my friends has a little daughter named Posey. Posey is one of those kids that exudes personality–with phrases and giggles to make even the coldest heart melt. One night I got the pleasure of watching Posey (what some call babysitting), and we were in full-blast play mode with her pretend kitchen. Looking for utensils, Posey served me “breakfast,” asking me what I wanted to eat. (I’m assuming you have a picture now of pure cuteness.) In the middle of this game, she looked at me, serious as could be and said, “Anne, what am I doing? … What, what am I even doing?” then laughed and ran off to her next adventure.

I am asking that question a lot lately. “What… what am I even doing?”

I consistently forget that the primary purpose of my being is simply that: being. Being so consumed with the love and grace of the Creator that everything I end up doing flows from my being, not the other way around. And I think for some time now, I have allowed myself to believe the reverse is true: that the more I do, the better I am, and the better I am, the more I do.

Today in church, our pastor said, “What is your current reality? Who are you, really? And how are you addressing the character deficiencies in your life to become more like Christ asks you to be?” Yikes. Then he said sometime later, “Reckless words are connected to an underdeveloped character.” Double yikes. If you know me, you know I have some issues with reckless words.

So I’ve got some “being” to do (see how I am still obsessed with doing?) I guess the correct phrase would be, I’ve got some being to be. Yup, grammatically disastrous and all. There are some serious areas of my soul that are dark and cloudy, full of joyless cynicism masked in the desire for truth. And I’ve got some extracting to do.

So this post is a bit of a jumbled mess. And that’s been my brain lately. I don’t have a nice way to wrap this up with a big red bow, because my thoughts are so incomplete. I learn, grow, and change daily. And I’m starting to realize that that’s the truest goal: to grow and change my character, so that I reflect the light that is inside of me more than I did yesterday, last month, last year.

Here’s to being. Here’s a picture of Posey, by the way, just “being.”

the dreaded february

This chalkboard hangs to the right of our entryway. Since December and up until today, it has read, “Christmastime is here!” Yep, I’m serious. But this morning that was all taken care of, thanks to Shauna Niequist and her lovely way with words. Please mind my kindergarten-handwriting.  

Every year I dread February, and although numerically it is the shortest month in our 365-day year, it seems to feel the longest. Dramatic, I know. However, this has to be, in the history of February, the fastest February ever. Even though this one was longer. Or at least in the tiny world of Anne Wilson, this was the fastest February ever.

I blinked in January and woke up in February without writing a single post. Shameful. There is oh-so-much inspiration to bring forth with words, but there just hasn’t been the time. Or–scratch that–I haven’t taken the time. This is a major slap-on-the-wrist move in blogging world and in Anne-world. I’m working on it.

So, until then, know this: this is a season of rediscovery for me. Rediscovering what it looks like for God to intersect into my daily life, how to simply be, how to live in grace and love, and remembering that I am not dust and bones …and neither is any other person I meet.

Much more to come. Hopefully.

no one’s above it

I was recently put into a situation where Kyle & I’s guard rails were questioned and put at risk. See, Kyle & I decided when we got married on a few “guard rails” to keep us from being unfaithful to each other. None of these things are 11th Commandments or necessary for every couple on the planet, but for us, they are agreements we made for the sake of protecting and nurturing our marriage. A wise person who shall go unnamed once told me, “Anne, never think you’re above having an affair. No one is. Absolutely no one.” When we become invincible in our minds, we let little things seep in, ignore the intuition that quietly says, “mayday!” and excuse it for self-consciousness. If my heart is skipping a couple of negative beats before making a decision, that’s probably the Divine telling me to run. Or the Word becoming flesh in my subconscious. Or the Holy Spirit. All of those are viable options.

Back to said, vague situation. One of the agreements we made as a couple was to never ride in the car by ourselves with someone of the opposite sex. I realize to some people, this is extreme, over-the-top, and a bit intense. And I’m fine with all of those things. I don’t believe riding in the car alone with a guy is sinful. I just think it could be a starting place for a relationship I should only have with my husband. And that guard rail was questioned and mocked, making an awkward situation that I’m perfectly fine with.

So… I’m curious, before going into some of our other “guard rails,” what are some of yours? Do you and your spouse have guard rails you’ve established in your marriage–subconsciously or consciously?

this season in pictures

So, there’s been a lot lately. I don’t know who conspired together, but our lives have just been full to the brim… and I’m not complaining. We’ve had a few busy months mixed in with the everyday, ordinary-life things we have going on. So let’s do a quick review:

To start out the season of greatness, this happened.
Nate and Brooke Reeves tied the knot and well, it was a Christ-honoring wedding that will only continue in their marriage. Love it.

On a whim, Caitlin, Christy & I drove up to Chicago to visit our friend, Emily.

Then, we Kyle & I ventured down south to Eatonton, Georgia for his stepsister’s wedding, which I officiated!

It was my first time performing a wedding ceremony and I loved every minute of it. The preparation, rehearsal, wedding day. . . it was all such an honor and I loved getting a front-row seat to two people committing to love each other ’til death do them part. Plus, I’m kind of a big fan of Emily and Brince, so that part was easy. :)

Up next? I got to spend quality time with some precious (I really mean precious) high school girls at the end of September. And it was beautiful.

Are you envisioning a suitcase getting worn out yet? Because it’s only just begun. A few days later, I went out to nowhere, Indiana with my best friends from college for a few days of laughing, Funfetti cookies, reading, music videos, hot-tubbing, and a lot bit of crazy. We’re weird. We know it. We show it.

PS-If those backgrounds look eerily similar, it’s because… they’re in the same place.

That next Saturday morning, we drove up with the Reeves’ to Evanston, Illinois to watch the Michigan/Northwestern game. Nate and Brooke have become such close friends of ours this past year, so we’re a little excited that they’re married now. :) They’re in ministry, too, and work at a church about 10 minutes from us. So not only do they “get it,” but we’re honest and encourage each other, too. 

Last weekend, I got ordained. I haven’t taken the time to write about it yet, but all I can say is I was overwhelmed by the amount of people God has placed in my short journey so far. It was humbling to say the very least. My friend Caitlin took some photos of the ordination service, but I don’t have those yet, so for now… all you get is a photo of me with the cake one of Chapel Rock’s youth leaders made. PS–Stacy (the woman who had the cake made), told me that she told the baker to make it “sassy, not cheesy, and funky!” I take that as a major compliment. :)

Yesterday, I drove up to Chicago with my mom and her best friend, Debbie, to celebrate her 60th Birthday. We went to a Dinner Theatre last night and shopped for my mom today. Debbie has been apart of my mom’s life since before I was on the scene, so their friendship is comfortable and familiar… and definitely gives me a picture of something I want for my friendships as well. 

Here’s a look at what’s to come in the next few weeks: Gungor/John Mark McMillan/and someone-named-David-Crowder concert, Crawfords’ Celebration, Youth Ministry Fall Hayride, The Civil Wars Concert, Congregational Dinner, and the Marks/Drye wedding in Winston-Salem, NC.

When I got home today, Kyle had dinner ready and knew I’d want to lay around all night in our pajamas watching football. Well, he did the football watching, I did the Sunday prep. But you get the idea. So now, after a few deep breaths, I’m feeling a little like this:

Happy Fall, to one and all.

Cuscowilla

Here’s our view this morning. No big deal.

We’re down in Eatonton, Georgia for Kyle’s step-sister’s wedding. Emily and Brince asked me to officiate the ceremony and I am so honored to be apart of their day. In Bittersweet, Shauna Niequist wrote a lot about how out of all the things she gets to do, weddings are her favorite. And after the rehearsal last night, I so agree. There is something so beautiful about wedding days–and not the obvious things. But the promises that are made right in front of you go so far beyond that day, and in a world so full of things to be sad about, weddings refuse to let anyone stay locked up in their inner-circle of distress or turmoil. I treasure that I have the privilege of having a front row seat. And I think it’s perfectly fitting that marriage begins with a promise.

So here’s to a weekend in Eatonton; I think I am going to learn a few things today. And Happy Wedding Day, Emily & Brince.