thankful for insecurity

Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror while Zumba-ing? No?

Well, let me tell you, it’s probably not a pretty sight. 

Last night while attempting to dance like a Latin Diva bustin’ a move at Zumba, I glanced in the mirror only to realize the image in my head looked nothing like that which appeared before my eyes. Instead, what appeared before me was a pale-skinned, sweaty-haired disaster who clearly thought she looked way sexier than reality has sadly proven.

This is, of course, not the first time I’ve felt unsatisfied with reality. It happens every morning as I stare into the mirror and tug on my stomach, arms, cheeks, eyelids, and wish for something different. Or when I stare into a closet full of clothes and say, “I have nothing to wear.” Never done that? Well, either your identity in Christ is so rock-solid that you never feel the weight of insecurity, or you’re lying. Because as far as I can tell, every woman I know has a body part she’d freely trade.

I remember listening to a speaker in college say that nothing drives us to more bad decisions than insecurity. Insecurity drives us to jealousy, overeating, pride, drunkenness, terrible relationships with men, vanity, the list goes on. Insecurity, is–yes, certainly another form of evil. But… insecurity can actually be a gift. 

What’s that? Insecurity? A gift? Yep. A gift.

What happens when we  feel insecure? We push ourselves to find validation making idiotic choices, saying jealous things, spending money we don’t have on things we don’t need, find our worth in what we can achieve and know, and again… the list goes on. But what insecurity also does is push us to find credibility in things that actually matter. Whether or not we allow this to happen is not the point. Insecurity is a gift… in that it drives us to our real source of credibility: Christ. We are nothing without our Creator.

I am–quite slowly–learning to put my moments of panic-stricken insecurity into the hands that created me, to say over me, “You are more than this.” When we choose anxiety, we forget who we are. We forget where security comes from. And not just in external things, but internal, as well. We forget that our personalities are really just a reflection of God, that our circumstances are temporary in light of who He is, and we all bear the image of Christ in some way because He lives inside of us.

And so, today, I am thankful for insecurity. Insecurity that drives me to an identity in Christ, that pushes me to seek and trust Him deeply. Thank you, insecurity. . . you are an unwelcome, but motivating, gift.