I was recently put into a situation where Kyle & I’s guard rails were questioned and put at risk. See, Kyle & I decided when we got married on a few “guard rails” to keep us from being unfaithful to each other. None of these things are 11th Commandments or necessary for every couple on the planet, but for us, they are agreements we made for the sake of protecting and nurturing our marriage. A wise person who shall go unnamed once told me, “Anne, never think you’re above having an affair. No one is. Absolutely no one.” When we become invincible in our minds, we let little things seep in, ignore the intuition that quietly says, “mayday!” and excuse it for self-consciousness. If my heart is skipping a couple of negative beats before making a decision, that’s probably the Divine telling me to run. Or the Word becoming flesh in my subconscious. Or the Holy Spirit. All of those are viable options.
Back to said, vague situation. One of the agreements we made as a couple was to never ride in the car by ourselves with someone of the opposite sex. I realize to some people, this is extreme, over-the-top, and a bit intense. And I’m fine with all of those things. I don’t believe riding in the car alone with a guy is sinful. I just think it could be a starting place for a relationship I should only have with my husband. And that guard rail was questioned and mocked, making an awkward situation that I’m perfectly fine with.
So… I’m curious, before going into some of our other “guard rails,” what are some of yours? Do you and your spouse have guard rails you’ve established in your marriage–subconsciously or consciously?
4 thoughts on “no one’s above it”
This should be on our marriage blog.
We used to have that same guard rail about riding in cars, but unfortunately Jared’s job poses some situations where they have to give each other rides to customer’s cars, etc. He’s the manager over 2 women in their 20’s and 30’s, so we definitely still talk about boundaries. Maybe this is common sense but one of ours is to never put down (even in a joking way) our spouse around the opposite sex, not knowing how they would receive it. For instance, his chatty Cathy assistant asked him this week while they were alone…”So, is Maria getting really moody and hard to deal with as her pregnancy ticks on?” Even though I’m sure in other settings we could all laugh and poke fun at my ridiculousness, Jared just gave a quick & short, “Nope, we’re just thankful she’s been able to carry her this long.”
Love me some boundaries.
I LOVE that! And yes, it should be on our marriage blog. We need to get to business on that. But yes, yes, and yes. I love that boundary–not that it’s not okay to poke fun in mixed company with friends on occasion, but I love how that protects your husband from ever feeling like they cannot trust the words you’re saying when they’re not around.
I feel this often when I’m around women that bash their husbands. It’s often a gut-check for me to make sure I’m not coming across in the same way, even if I’m joking.
Taking it. Using it. Stealing it. Love you. Have that baby. :-)
I go to a small group that is mostly married couples. I don’t know a lot of the boundaries the others have in their marriages, but whenever the wives get together, we almost never even talk about our husbands, unless it’s something good about them. I’ve never heard one of them put their husband down, and we’ve been a group for about 4 years now. Some couples have admitted to their marriage weaknesses when we are praying for one another in a group setting, but I think it says a lot about a group of people who only speak well of their spouses, and I wish every group of Christians was the same.