on being a female youth minister’s spouse (round 2)

A few days ago, I wrote a little ditty (I’ve always wanted to say that) on being a female in youth ministry. Once I opened up that can, all kinds of other thoughts flew out and well, I think I’m onto something here. So there may be a slew of “on being a female youth minister,” and if that annoys you, well, this was your decision to read and it can be your decision to ignore (see how I did that?).

There’s another oddity that my husband and I have discovered in this short journey of ours: being a youth minister’s husband. It’s quite the rare combination. Not only do I feel like the odd woman out in circles, but he certainly does, as well. For example, the first Saturday of the month, the wives of ministers at our church get together to have fun, drink coffee/tea, and just get to know one another. When Kyle and I first came here, Kyle (jokingly) asked, “Do I get invited to that?” A couple of days ago, one of the wives (who is one of my friends) mentioned it in conversation (half-heartedly) and said, “I just realized, why haven’t we ever invited you?” Uh… because I’m on the other side of the fence? But not really, because I’m a woman? But not really, because I’m doing the same things your husband is doing that make you mad? And my husband puts up with the same thing you do? Now you see where the confusion comes in.

Kyle doesn’t knit, bake, play the piano, get pregnant, stay at home with little babies, decorate a house, host dinner parties, or all these other stereotypical things I’ve just placed on minister’s wives (and things I love/would also love to do one day–with the exception of knitting). I know that the pressure they feel is immense and something I cannot comprehend. But figuring out what this looks like gender-reversed has been quite the awkward challenge. And other women that are in similar positions as me have pretty much the same response: we don’t know, either.

So here’s to you, minister’s husband: I commend you. You are her support, encouragement, love, and undoubtedly one of the biggest reasons (outside of Jesus) that she feels so comfortable in her own skin. Thank you for being who you are.

And thank you, Kyle, for putting up with one of the most ridiculous human beings to ever walk this earth. That I know for sure.

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